Little Talks
by apstar
Summary: "You never know the biggest day of your life is the biggest day. Not until it's happening. Not until you're right in the middle of it. The day you commit to something or someone… The day you get your heart broken. The day you meet your soul mate. The day you realize there's not enough time… because you want to live forever. Those are the biggest days. The perfect days."


"You never know the biggest day of your life is the biggest day. Not until it's happening. You don't recognize the biggest day of your life. Not until you're right in the middle of it. The day you commit to something or someone… The day you get your heart broken. The day you meet your soul mate. The day you realize there's not enough time… because you want to live forever. Those are the biggest days. The perfect days."

-Isobel Katherine "Izzie" Stevens, MD (Fictional Character)

"What a Difference a Day Makes" Dir. Rob Corn. _Grey's Anatomy. _ABC. WABC-TV, New York City. 7 May 2009. Television.

It had taken a long time and several attempts at persuasion; my daughter Alexandria and my son Nicholas had finally given in. It had been hard to make them see reason; they just couldn't understand the feelings of this old man. Yet every single minute spent on persuading them had finally paid off. They had removed her from that so called 'home' and she was brought to this house; she was back where she belonged. She was here and with me.

I sat on the couch closest to the stairs, partially waiting for her routine of the day to start and partially hoping; though I would much rather think it was the first option. A smile graced my lips knowing that she never was an early riser. As I waited, I looked around the house, at the home that held so many memories; good and bad. The walls; each silently keeping our secret whispers of love, even those said a midst the loud screams in moments of aggravation. With every passing second each memory was weighed down like a ton on every beat of my aging heart. My mind worrying on whether it would be a good day for her as my thoughts went back to yesterday:

_I walked down the hall, past the portraits of our family as it grew, past pictures of our children's family, past the live-in nurse's bedroom. Finally arriving at the dark wooden door at the end of the hall, I stood for a moment unsure of myself. It was one of my newest routines since we no longer were able to share a bed. I checked in on her every night before I went to sleep, my own way of getting a small amount of peace of mind. After taking a deep breath I was able to bring myself to raise my hand and open slightly the door. _

_There she was; reclined against the head board looking as beautiful as ever. She put the book she had been reading down as soon as she noticed me. _

"_There you are Nik!" She had replied. "I was worried you were going to spend all night up again, working on one of your paintings." She sighed and patted the spot next to her on the bed for me when she saw my hesitation. "Come, I am not angry… just worried that you over work yourself." All I could do was nod and do as she said._

_My hesitation was not because I thought she was angry, it was because I had stopped painting so many years ago. The Arthritis in my hands no longer allowed me to work as I once used to. At least this time her memory involved me. I decided to play along as I normally did; anything to prolong any time I was able to spend with her. "Sorry, my love" I said and looked at her with a small smile. "How can I acquit myself?"_

_She rested her head on my shoulder and grabbed my hand as I too, leaned against the headboard of the bed. She let out a small unexpected laugh and though it was random, I couldn't help but smile and look down at her. "Penny for your thoughts, sweetheart" I asked._

"_It's nothing… I… Just… I remembered our small talk the other day about children" She sighed as if gathering herself and said. "I think I'm ready, Nik" I would never tell anyone, but her words broke my heart. I remembered the night she had uttered those exact words and along with them a wave of incredulity and happiness washed over me. Not long after, we found out about the upcoming arrival of Alexandria and that was one of the many happiest moments in our life. I looked back at her anticipating stare and forced a smile before hugging her tightly. The only words I was able to utter was "I love you" while I fought back a few tears._

The sound of the creaking floorboards brought me out of the memory. It was hard to see that woman that had managed to keep me together for so long, slowly come apart. What got me the hardest was the fact that it wouldn't be long now. I would lose the light of my existence soon and even though I had been prepared by everyone mentally. I knew emotionally it would destroy me; this was the reason I knew I wouldn't last long after she left me.

Jane, the live-in nurse came in to remind me of my mid-morning pills. I merely gave her a nod and dismissed her saying I had just taken them and she left shortly after. Truth-be-told, I barely took any of my medicines anymore, I didn't need them; what woke me up every morning and kept me alive was her. That was enough for me. I used to speak up and straight out refuse them but everyone thought I was insane, after the first time someone suggested I should be put in a home that would be able to care for me better; I stopped and agreed to take whatever. I only did it for her, because if I was also put in a home; I was sure there would be nothing left that I could do at all. That and those blasted pills affected my perception, they made me feel as if I was in a haze. I would much rather enjoy whatever moments I had left.

Being old gave me the opportunity to over think things; sometimes it would help me see things and understand them better and then I would have those moments that would probably make a sane person go "What the hell?" because in those moments, I sometimes wondered; if I had been born maybe thirty or forty years before her and crossed her path… Would I had seen her and known? Known that if there was a change in time, that she was it? I probably would have seen her playing around and would have never given it the slightest fraction of a thought. Instead we were born at a time that gave us a chance to meet the other, to become an important piece in the other's board game of life.

You see… I was never the kind of guy who got things like love, right the first time. Even my family let me know that constantly and they were right. I was stubborn and when I was set on something, no one could ever deter me; that was until I met her. I never believed in something such as fate and soul mates, but I am sure that if there was such a thing… then she was definitely it. When I saw her I didn't just fall; I tripped over her beauty, stumbled over her imperfect perfection and landed within reach of her light.

_That day was full of mundane things, just like the previous one and probably the one before that. The trains in New York were just another part of the annoying day-to-day routine. I was heading to the mediocre excuse of a community college nearby. Back then I could care less for any type of official education and obtaining a degree. I had recently moved to New York from England and after everything I had seen; I truly believed the education here utterly sucked. _

_I still had 6 stops to go on the blasted train that was taking its bloody sweet time and I truly felt lucky for having found a seat. On weekdays the cart could feel like it was a sardine can; packed to its limits. The difference on this particular day was that I was expecting it to be like every other day. That is until I saw her get on; she was absolutely stunning. She -alike every other person- seemed to be rushing; that was after all, the only kind of life you would find in a place such as this. I tried my best not to stare, but I just couldn't help myself. She was lost in her own world but I was completely lost in her. She had golden curls that fell perfectly just below her shoulders, eyes as infinite as the ocean with a color just as bright and even though her lips weren't curled into a smile, you could tell that when she did; it would probably take your breath away to the point you thought you would've died and gone to heaven. She was wearing a sky blue dress that fell beneath her knees, which accentuated her slender body with curves in all the right places in a marvelous way. She had dainty hands which possessed long slender fingers, which I watched as they toyed with the cover of a file. The same that seemed to be causing the frown that had just appeared upon her face. _

_That was the moment; there in that train cart, where I had been sure I had been in a presence of an angel._

_I had never been fond of any religion but after her I might have been willing to maybe give it a fraction of a second thought._

_After a stop that allowed transfers to other trains, the cart had cleared out pretty well… except for the seats. The only available one was next to me and I could care less of who would take it. I just wasn't expecting the most beautiful voice to speak to me and say "Excuse me, would you mind if I sit there?"_

_It might sound stupid but that right there was what caused me to start the fall. Who in bloody New York asks that? They just do and take. They are rude and overbearing. She simply proved to be different right off the bat. After that how could I not introduce myself? I wanted to know everything. I wanted to know her secrets, her favorite color, if she preferred tea or coffee… I wanted to make her smile and laugh. I knew that if I was able to accomplish that, that I would never go back because even before I knew her; I knew I would find her imperfections perfect. This was a turning point, it was MY turning point. I was a jackass who always seemed to be in a bad mood and then out of the blue the light shone for me; I was going to do something I would have never done before, I was going to reach out for it and accept it. _

_Everything else, after that day became history. I don't regret a single moment from then on. _

Sometimes remembering key moments that shaped our life together is the only way to get through this. The only way I could smile and just hope that maybe today would be a better one than yesterday. That today would be one of the now rare days of clarity. Even after that faithful day in a train cart, I didn't really believe in a god but if there was some sort of higher power out there; I hoped they never let me see her leave, if she ever did… I could only hope I would follow her into the dark right after.

Soon it was well after 10am and I could hear the creak of the wooden tiles as Jane moved around the second floor in the far end; either in her room or she was already up and Jane was helping her get ready. This caused a slight shot of panic to rise; some days her decease would affect her in such a way that even the most trivial of things for a person –things like getting dressed or a morning routine- would become the most challenging one. I was no longer able to assist her and it just killed me a little more each day. I was useless to her in times like this and all because of time; it waited for no one and so my body was not what it used to be.

After managing to talk some sense into myself –though the voice in my head sounded pretty much like her- I decided to just wait and see. After all patience was something that I had managed to learn after so many years of living with a wild spirit. The magnificent woman who had become the center of my life had always been full of fire, adventure and fearless when it came to speaking her mind.

Thankfully I didn't have to wait long to figure out what was going on. I had been right in my assumption that my love was up and as always –even though now it was harder than when I was younger- I got up to greet her at the bottom of the stairs. She may now have a few extra wrinkles and her hair may have faded over the years, but her eyes still shined like that very first day we met. Her beauty and light still radiate from her like an aura; reaching out to anyone within reach; as if attempting to shield them from any darkness that lurked, even in the smallest of shadow. As the years went by, there was never a single day I didn't find a reason to fall for her all over again, even in the most frustrating of times. As she descended the stairs, I swallowed and did something that always scared me at the beginning of each day. I let my eyes meet hers.

Today my reason for falling all over again, was something I hadn't seen in a while… Clarity. I saw clarity and recognition in those azure orbs of hers and just like that; every obstacle that I had been fighting to overcome, became worth it and I simply couldn't help as the biggest of smiles made its way across my lips. She saw it and reciprocated with one of her own as she gave me a small nod as a reply to my unasked question. Jane just couldn't help her down those steps quick enough, but if we had gotten this far; then I could wait a few more seconds. My eyes never left hers, until soon she was taking the last one and was close enough for me to touch; I obviously waited for her 'okay'. She on the other hand didn't waste time in giving permission or asking it. Her arms encircled me in an embraced I hadn't felt in the longest of times. A hug I couldn't help but return. I always knew she would come back to me, sometimes she would take longer than usual but I have always been and will be waiting for her. My Caroline.

The beginning of this day had been a welcomed surprise. A change to a painful routine. This change was one of the few things that still gave me faith that all of the suffering was worth it in the end. Jane made sure my Caroline was comfortable like always and took all the necessary medications she would need; other than that she kept a respectable distance. She was close enough to keep us within eye sight but far enough to give us our privacy as we slowly made our way around the garden. My heart was full of joy once again and so today would go onto my list of 'The happiest days'. It was refreshing to be able to speak to her as if we were two healthy people who didn't have to worry about an illness; about such a thing that took everything making up the very essence of your persona and slowly erased it until there was nothing left. We did something we hadn't done in a while; we talked. Talked about nothing and talked about everything all at once. I –being me in true form- tried to avoid any kind of talk that would involve Alzheimer's but I guess one can't get everything they wanted, even in moments like this. So I humored her and listened to her rant about how much she wanted to apologize for putting me through this. Most of all, she worried about my heart; of the strain her illness was putting on it.

I knew there was no way in making her see sense; making her see how she was just another victim, so I took her hand in mines and kissed it because at the end of everything she didn't understand that it was Okay. She was worth it and most of all, she didn't realize that I would do anything to just to see her like this; having a day full of smiles and laughter amongst a sea of clouds and thunder. That was most definitely worth it and alright with me.

My time perception was thrown off as the day approached its end. The closing to it came much slower than others and yet faster than any other day I had lived. Our never ending moment was reaching the end of the road and we both knew it. We tried to cling to each other just a little longer, trying to prolong our small eternity. We knew that we wouldn't be lucky enough to have a tomorrow with clarity after a day like this. We did everything from going through photo albums, home videos, catching her up on the ever growing Mikaelson family over our meals and even slow dancing to songs that only we knew the true sentimental meaning they had. We were in our bubble; high up in the deepest depth of a sky full of hope, holding on tight to this fleeting clarity.

Every now and then one of us would glance towards Jane; who was trying to mask the look of sadness because even though it was happiness that surrounded us, Jane kept herself grounded knowing that it wouldn't last. That's when I knew I didn't want this day to end like every other, I wanted this day go on forever.

I took my Caroline's hand and together we made our way upstairs and towards her room with Jane fallowing close behind. Once there she gave my hand a slight squeeze before letting go; a signal that she wanted me to say a little longer and I obliged. I stood by the door as I watched Jane walk around the room helping Caroline with her nightly routine and get ready for bed. Tonight we had decided that we would share as long as we could before our small piece of Eden ended.

Once Carline had been settled in, she motioned me over with a smile as she patted the place next to her on the bed, much like she had done the night before as she asked "Since when did you become a wall flower Nik?" That caused me to smile as I made my way to the opposite side of the bed and sat against the headboard next to her. "I'm not a wall flower sweetheart. I was simply admiring your beauty that never ceases to stun me." Off-course this would earn me a gentle slap on my arm from her as she laughed at my antics. I felt a slight sense of accomplishment as we fell into a comfortable silence and our hands found each other and joined. I had missed being like this with her so much but our time had finally come to its end. Jane approached us and told me it was late, that it was time for me to retrieve back to my room and let Caroline rest, but Caroline held onto my hand that much tighter. She wasn't ready to let go just as I wasn't, but it was for the best. I looked into her blue eyes in an attempt to convince her but that's when I hesitated.

"Please, stay Nik?" she asked and I just nodded; my resolved finally crumbling completely.

Jane knew there was nothing she could do at that moment and after she had settled Caroline down, she bid us goodnight and left to her own room. I laid next to her in silence for a little bit; our hands once again clasped together as if they were our life line; holding us down and keeping us grounded because at that moment, it was exactly what it was. So we reveled in our safety as we waited for sleep to come take us to a place where we could dream of clarity for one more night. As I stared at the ceiling in the now dark room and played with her hand; her voice broke the silence around us as she spoke.

"Nik, I don't know when I will get another night like this but I want you to know that I love you and I missed our little talks. Thank you for being patient with me but most of all for not giving up. I promise that no matter how long I am gone for, I'll always come back to you. You may have not been my first love but certainly have been the greatest one I have had. Thank you for loving me intensely and immensely. Thank you for falling for my laugh and doing absolutely everything in your power to hear it, but most of all thank you for making me question why I was so afraid to love so freely in the first place. I'm glad you were there to catch me every time you did something to just make me fall deeper. Thank you for proving to me there is a love like this. Niklaus Mikaelson thank you for being my safety and home. I love you."

Her words made my heart soar and I just couldn't help but smile as I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed it. "Anything for you my sweet Caroline. We've had a wonderful life together, I love you."

I didn't have to look at her to know she was smiling also. I didn't let go of her as we both fell into silence again, sleep slowly overcoming us and claiming our minds. I slowly rested her hand on my chest and succumbed to it and let it guide me to a world of dreams with her right by my side like it once used to be.

I don't know how long I had been asleep for, all I know that is that one second I was falling asleep and next I was being awoken by Jane calling my name repeatedly; her voice cracking in between sobs that racked her body. It's odd for me because it had never happened before; so odd I don't even remember waking up or getting out of bed but my immediate reaction was to panic. My brain registered Jane calling for me and she was on the opposite side of the bed Caroline and I had been sharing. I'm not there and for a minute I wonder when I woke up and went back to my room but I don't dwell on it much. This just makes me realize that something must have happened to my Caroline and I react.

"What's going on Jane? What is it?" and I just lingered by the door afraid of what I might find if I neared the bed but Jane simply ignored me and grabbed the landline phone near the bed. She dialed and waited for a response and I couldn't help but break out in sobs as the next words left her mouth.

"Hello? Mr. Mikaelson?" she released a few silent sobs as she waited for Nicholas' reply "no" she paused and after taking a deep breathe she said "yes…" another sob escaped her lips "died while sleeping…" and she began to cry again.

My brain refused to assimilate those words and I just stood. I couldn't register the rest of the conversation Jane was having on the phone with Nicholas because I didn't want to hear about how I had just lost the love of my life. I couldn't command my feet to move and approach the bed because I didn't want to see her laying there lifeless. I didn't want to see her without her light. I just stood there frozen in place with my hands covering my face while tears stream down and I wouldn't be able to tell you how many minutes had passed. The only thing that managed to break through the haze was a small scream followed by the words "Who are you? What are you doing in my room?" and I looked up to see my Caroline sitting up looking at Jane in a frazzled manner. This time the tears came down faster but for a different reason. I was relieved that Jane was wrong. My Caroline wasn't dead and I just wanted to hold her in my arms, so I walked over to her as fast as my ragged old body could carry me until I was able to hug her.

There was a problem though, I couldn't feel her. I could see her there and I could see my arms around her but I just couldn't feel her. Something was wrong so I looked at Jane and saw that she was still crying and looking unsure of what to do as she glanced between Caroline and the place next to her. I was confused but I let go of Caroline and looked there.

It couldn't be.

I was there; I was lying next to her on the bed. That's when my brain pieced everything together. I couldn't remember getting up and I couldn't feel Caroline when I hugged her. She was fine but I wasn't. I had died. My heart stopped beating in my sleep. I couldn't recall my dreams because there weren't any, there was only darkness. I felt the walls around me falling; my tears completely stopped as I felt the ground beneath me give away. I was an invisible disaster; my feet unable to find solid ground as I tried to scream or say something but nothing came out. I was gone and was no longer able to care for the one that kept me alive. I found myself lost, but as I watched my family arrive with the EMTs and take my body away while she stayed behind with Jane… that's when I made my final decision. I would wait for her just like I had many times before and while I waited I would look over her. I would be the soothing voice at night when the creek of the stairs would keep her up and the brightness when even through her haze she would smile. Until she came to me, I would be the keeper of her dreams. For even in death she was still my light.

She has always found her way back to me, sometimes she would take longer than usual but I have always been and always will be waiting for her. My Caroline.


End file.
